Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
