are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
