guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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