He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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