I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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