So drunk its hurt
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i came on her dog
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
