i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
