I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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