We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
