i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
