i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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