Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
