What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just found a bag of teeth...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
