Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
