you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
