Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
There are leaves in my underwear?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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