I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
