She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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