So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
