My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
