I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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