im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
