just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
