Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My vagina just recognized that song.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
