pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
