I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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