just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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