I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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