"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
