thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
