A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
