Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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