if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
