He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
