You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
