You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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