No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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