I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
