I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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