I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
When are your genitals available?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
