i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
