I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
