Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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