forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
