my soul wont recognize me after tonight
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
