I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
