I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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