i just google imaged poop.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
