Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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