I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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