she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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