Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
