I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
