I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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